Thanks Justin. This is something that I've been trying to write about for awhile and I wasn't sure if the repetition was going to come off effectively or annoyingly. However, this being my first attempt at writing about this event, I didn't have it in me to go back and really think about it to revise and edit. Thanks for the feedback.
Hi Liz, I'm not in your writing group but I read your piece--hope you don't mind. You were very courageous to write and publish this, and it's so well done. I like the repetition that reminded me of the raw feelings behind this statement. Also, your descriptions of the heat and the nurse standing like a gargoyle are very effective. I'm sorry that this has happened to you.
Thanks Betsy. I don't mind at all. I have really been wanting to write about this for awhile now, but I never seem to have a direction. It was a such a long journey. I finally just picked a moment, albeit the worst one and went for it.
It was so brave of you to write about this! I liked the repetition you used throughout the piece. Do you mind me asking...who died? And what about "That Day" for a title? That way you aren't giving away what your story is about...but I thought since you used the repetitive phrase "you weren't supposed to die that day"...you could shorten to bring the audience in? I don't know...just a thought.
My husband passed away from brain cancer in 2013, the same kind that Deanna's husband has. He was fighting for just a little over 2 years. My kids were 12 and 9 at the time. It's something that I have been struggling with writing about for quite some time. It is hard to relive, and sometimes I feel guilty for being able to live without him and find happiness again. If that makes any sense.
I was also engaged by the repetition throughout the passage and the descriptions. I wonder if your feelings now could guide some future writing about finding happiness again. If you are ever searching for a new topic, that would be very powerful and probably something that many people are feeling or have felt.
Thanks for the feedback. I have another friend who was also widowed in her 30's. We have talked about writing a book about our experiences. There are a few out there already, so we would need a new angle of some sort. Sort of like a Widowhood for Dummies book, or something. It is just not something you think will ever happen to you. This was the first thing I have ever written about regarding this experience, even though I've wanted to.
Very moving piece. I like the repetition used throughout the writing. It provides a grounded point that I (as the reader) kept circling back to.
ReplyDeleteThanks Justin. This is something that I've been trying to write about for awhile and I wasn't sure if the repetition was going to come off effectively or annoyingly. However, this being my first attempt at writing about this event, I didn't have it in me to go back and really think about it to revise and edit. Thanks for the feedback.
DeleteHi Liz, I'm not in your writing group but I read your piece--hope you don't mind. You were very courageous to write and publish this, and it's so well done. I like the repetition that reminded me of the raw feelings behind this statement. Also, your descriptions of the heat and the nurse standing like a gargoyle are very effective. I'm sorry that this has happened to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Betsy. I don't mind at all. I have really been wanting to write about this for awhile now, but I never seem to have a direction. It was a such a long journey. I finally just picked a moment, albeit the worst one and went for it.
DeleteAlso...I couldn't think of a title. Not even a single one. Any suggestions?
ReplyDeleteIt was so brave of you to write about this! I liked the repetition you used throughout the piece. Do you mind me asking...who died? And what about "That Day" for a title? That way you aren't giving away what your story is about...but I thought since you used the repetitive phrase "you weren't supposed to die that day"...you could shorten to bring the audience in? I don't know...just a thought.
ReplyDeleteMy husband passed away from brain cancer in 2013, the same kind that Deanna's husband has. He was fighting for just a little over 2 years. My kids were 12 and 9 at the time. It's something that I have been struggling with writing about for quite some time. It is hard to relive, and sometimes I feel guilty for being able to live without him and find happiness again. If that makes any sense.
ReplyDeleteOf course it makes sense, I think that's a natural feeling to have when someone close to you passes away. Thanks for sharing, Liz.
DeleteI was also engaged by the repetition throughout the passage and the descriptions. I wonder if your feelings now could guide some future writing about finding happiness again. If you are ever searching for a new topic, that would be very powerful and probably something that many people are feeling or have felt.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback. I have another friend who was also widowed in her 30's. We have talked about writing a book about our experiences. There are a few out there already, so we would need a new angle of some sort. Sort of like a Widowhood for Dummies book, or something. It is just not something you think will ever happen to you. This was the first thing I have ever written about regarding this experience, even though I've wanted to.
Delete